Limbo

Oy, oy, oy.

It's been a long 6 weeks! And I currently only have the energy/time for a short post. I will update soon about the past few weeks, but right now I have bigger things on my mind.

Tomorrow I find out IF I Matched (yes, some people don't Match, and then have to go through Scramble...I won't even detail that because I do not want that to enter into my karma), and Thursday I will find out the WHERE. This is literally the biggest week of my life since I found out I got into medical school.

That means right now, this is the last time I will really feel like a "student"...uncertain about my future, jobless, focused solely on getting through school. The next few days open up the doors of the next 3 years of my life. It allows me to plan where I am going to live, who I will get to be around, etc. Just everything.

I haven't had a future until this week. I couldn't really see post-med school until this week. And it is almost real now. My future will get sharper tomorrow (although I am certain I Matched somewhere, so it won't be big news) and will get layed out in full on Thursday. I can move on with my life, into my career and hopefully get on with all the other (more important) things that make me the person I am. I can start becoming the person I want to be. Although I could (and definitely should) have done this while in school, I feel like I have personally been on "pause" for the last 4 years. It is SO time to move on.

I am: terrified. nervous. excited. amazed. proud. relieved. shocked. anxious. Any other adjectives you can think of? I'm sure I feel those too. I'll update frequently during this week. Thanks for sticking through school with me until the end!

Eek!

Yup, still alive. Tired from working every day I'm in town, 2 interviews across the country (another later this week), being on call every 3rd night, and generally getting my patootie kicked while at work. I leave for my international rotation in South America in one week, and I have done NOTHING to prepare. This sums up my week:

Sun-Mon on call
Tues work
Wed-Thurs interview
Fri work (homework packet due)
Sat pack
Sun early flight out

I will be out of town for a month, so there is a lot to do before I leave, and with this last interview, working so much, and the homework packet I just got given (20 impossible EKG's) I have NO time to even think about what I'm going to pack until Friday after I get out of work (whenever that is). I need to go shopping for a number of things (ex. knee high rubber boots, antibiotics, etc.) which also has not been done yet.

Perhaps the most nerve wracking is that I have to submit my rank list of the programs I applied to before I leave on Sunday. I will be able to change it if I want before the actual due date late in February, but that hinges on my having internet access while out of the country...something I am not going to bank on. I am pretty sure I know what my list is, but it is very scary to actually have it certified and submitted. That almost marks the end of my medical school education- the only thing looming is The Match. After that, as long as I don't intentionally kill someone, I will graduate and have a job for the next three years. SO scary. I am definitely soaking up these last few months where I can say, "I'm not sure, let me get the doctor for you". Soon, that will be all me. Currently terrifying...potentially exciting at some point. More reflection due soon, but currently I must try to make sense of squiggly lines. Wish me luck!